Sunday, April 1, 2012 @ 7:36 PM
Defying Gravity
secretsummergetaway./
❝As you go through life, you'll see there is so much more that we don't understand and the only thing we really know is things don't always go the way we planned.❞
Saturday, March 31, 2012 @ 5:05 PM
Sleeping with the enemy
So this week went past pretty quickly. Gosh... one month left to prelims.
Anyway, we had Emath mock on Thursday and Amath on Friday but I didn't go for the Friday test coz I had some PISA briefing. Oh hell. I'm so "lucky". Apparently out of 320 students, I had to be the lucky 35... Better still? I was also the lucky 18 chosen for the computer-based test.
*sobs* Now I have to retake the Amath mock on Wednesday=.= then the PISA test is one 12th April, 1:35pm to 5pm (FML IKR??!!) and the computer-based on on 19th.
and guess what, my NAPFA is supposed to be the 19th and now they push to the 20th. AND I FREAKING HAVE PE ON THE 20TH BEFORE NAPFA!! WTF?!
I can't believe my luck. Like seriously lols!
Anyway, went out with the pole vaulters today. We were supposed to be celebrating Ms Yang's birthday with Mr Chue too but then Ms Yang was busy so we had a change of plans.
So we after lunch at Madjacks(NEX), we went to the rooftop to eat the cake and then they wanted to play with the water but apparently the guard was there so we decided to play hide and seek instead. Yes we're THAT lame. HAHA!
Anyway, while I was looking around on the 3rd floor, I met Ms Thang HAHA! with her friend. YES IT'S THAT COINCIDENTAL!
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| The angry bird is like so cute! |
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| teehee whooops~ my hair flew into Diana's face |
Oh wells so that was all(: I'm planning on getting some instax films and borrowing Alicia's instax so I can take more instax photos on SA carnival and Track Nationals(:
I CAN'T WAIT! WHEEEEE~~
teeeheee, oh and did I mention that Duang's coming back on the 7th too? HAHA so cool.
Anyway, I recently just found out that I'm not the only one with the same views on the class. And apparently, I have a backstabber. Hello?! I really can't believe you're that jealous. Why the hell do you guys try so hard to be in the "in" gang? and backstab your the people who were your true friends?
I really don't understand you guys. And the best thing? You guys hang out with people you hate. WOW.
I can't believe how much you people have changed. It's only been one year but I really don't this this year will be ANYTHING the same as last year. I thought that you were my true friend and I trusted you. But bitching behind my back? That's one thing that I can't stand, backstabbers. Hell, why are you even doing this? Being other people's puupy just so you can "FIT IN" and feel wanted? Well, just a heads up, I don't know about you, but I definitely know that I'm not one to always follow other people's orders.
I work for myself and I'm not a dog. I hate being ordered around and hell, I know I definitely won't be one to do whatever others say just so I can fit in.
Why are you so superficial? I really didn't think anyone could be so superficial...
So I just hope you have a nice life.
And you! Bloody hell. You are seriously unreasonable! WTF. I somehow think that everything you told me was a lie...
You tell me you want to SMS her and did I say anything? No. And your friend started talking to me and you get pissed? WTF? Don't come and tell me that you're jealous coz I fucking do not believe it lols. You can go and tell it to anyone else, your other sisters or whatever, but I will not take it for an answer coz you have no right to be jealous.
You are only my brother and nothing else. So who are you to tell me who I can and cannot sms?
And you're forever telling me how awesome others are... But I really DON'T care.
A matter of fact, I DO think you're a player. In fact, thinking about it, we all really do turn out into the kind of people we don't wanna be.
You hate players and guess what, you are. I hate people who cry over insignificant things, who lie, and I suppose I do.
You have no idea how demoralising it is to be me. Especially when I'm forever being compared to juniors.
Like seriously, juniors?! I mean I have totally no offence against my juniors but losing to them is already taking a great toll on my pride and here you are comparing me to another junior? Wow, thanks alot BROTHER.
You can say I'm your favourite sister or whatever but it still doesn't make a difference. I don't feel any special being your sister. I really wonder how many sisters you actually have. Somehow it seems that I made a mistake having you as my brother.
Like it or not, you do not have the rights to change me. I hate being compared to others, it just hurts more than it does just looking at myself.
I don't know but I just feel so helpless these few days... I feel like I'm always being used. By you, by my so-called-friends. HELL EVERYONE! and I relly don't know what to do.
Nobody really knows the real me but I guess I just really don't want people to know me. all the emotional baggage that I have to carry around... And I suppose I'm just really good at acting that I'm not affected by things that I'm really affected by. I mean, if I hate someone, I can pretend that I like them, but half the time I really don't bother. And I guess I can hide my feelings and emotions really well. Whether I'm angry, sad, annoyed, pissed or whatever nobody knows. Unless I choose to show it. Even Gladys told me. She, who's such a close friend, isn't even able to tell what I'm feeling. So I really don't think anyone else is able to. Even my parents can't.
I feel like I'm always constant stress trying to smile and be happy so no one will ask if I'm alright because it'll be too difficult to answer. But I'm really afraid that one day might just break down and fall apart. Well, at least until now, my facade is still able to hold on. But how long more?
I really hate the fact that I don't know how to choose my friends. I'm forever choosing the wrong friends and in the end, I just get backstabbed instead.
I hate being pitied. I hate backstabbers. I hate liars. I hate being judged. I hate players. I hate that I'm so emotional. I hate that I get jealous so easily. I hate my fucking pride. I hate my life. I hate who I am. I hate me.
Sometimes I just wonder why I am even me.
God put us in situations that he is sure that we can pull through but I really doubt I can... I'm starting to doubt everything that's happening, to doubt everyone, my life, my family, my "friends", me.
There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go.
Labels: Emotions, Outings, polevault, Vid, Visuals
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3:54 PM
Behind the facade
Yeah these few days have been really emotional for me...
And I really hate this. I mean, all we've done these days is quarrel. and I really dont understand why.
The worst thing is that whenever I need you the most, you're always not there. Or busy being pissed at me or emoing. Even a brother who isn't as close to me as you are, is always there for me.
And then you start blaming me for everything. You have no idea how much it hurts right? Just because you're more direct than me. You always tell me whatever I do hurts you, but you never ever wondered why I never said such stuff do you? I don't wanna hurt people. But you have no idea how many words you said made me wince...
I really don't know whether I should hold on or just give up. Giving up will definitely bring lesser hurt but if I don't hold on, I would always have the regret of knowing what could have been.
I know you love her, which is why I don't wanna get in the way of you and her everytime.
And I suppose that's my fault. Everytime I get closer to someone, there will always be quarrels and then I'll start pulling away. Maybe the reason why I hardly have any real and true friends. Hmmmm~
But how could I when the first friend I made in primary school betrayed me? and following events that came... I don't even wanna think about it.
But I guess not one person really knows the real me. Not even my best friend now... I'm starting to doubt I even know myself. But YOU definitely do not know me. And I really doubt you will.
but I suppose I gave you the ability to be able to either make my day or just pull me down...
Some quote I found on tumblr:
"We aren't the girls who get 42 'likes' on our Facebook pictures, we aren't the girls that act dumb to get the guys, or that wear shorts with our asses hanging out. We care more about music than popularity. We are the girls who have laughing fits without worrying if are faces look weird, we are the girls who genuinely care about how you are, we are the girls who don't make a big deal of what you said 2 years ago, we're the girls who care more about being nice than who thinks that we're 'hot', we are the girls who can be quiet and often overlooked, but I guarantee we are the girls you'd rather be with."
Labels: Emotions
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Saturday, March 10, 2012 @ 9:54 PM
We're all fighting a losing battle
I really suppose I haven't been blogging as often as in the past.
It's a good thing I suppose? Since Os are over.
But anyway, I don't really know how to put this in words...
Have you guys loved to do something so much that you can't bear to give it up?
Loved it to the point that even though you know you're not born to do it yet you still give it your best to prove others wrong?
That you gave it your all, your everything, pushing harder each time you fail?
When you fall, you don't believe that it's over and keep picking yourself up to try again?
Until you delude yourself into thinking that you can actually be good in it?
But that was when you actually had the motivation. A goal that keeps you going on. That flame that leads you in the dark.
When finally at the most crucial moment, everyone doubts you. Even yourself.
And all evidence show that all these weren't meant to be and as much as it hurts, you still have to face facts?
Even through all those tears that you shed, you can't change a thing?
and even though hard work matters a lot, talent does too. As well as fate.
After feeling the pain, the anger, the hurt, you end up being numb. Unfeeling and emotionless.
You lose all the motivation to work harder, to push yourself, to prove to others, to prove them wrong. Because it's hopeless. Everyone judges. Nobody actually understands. Well, at least they don't try to.
Life isn't fair. That is definitely something I've learnt through all these.
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Sunday, March 4, 2012 @ 7:07 PM
Lost
So first, happy topics.
LOLS, so yesterday was Cedar Fiesta. I suppose it was kinda fun. Needed the chill time to relax and hang out. I'm so glad I met so many of my friends<3 and taking photos with yall was so fun(:
HAHA anyway, after that went out with Glen for dinner and we were talking like mad. HAHA! It's funny how our situations are so similar. Except thing is I don't even know if I like that person whereas for him he definitely like a certain special someone<3 (WINKSWINKS)
PRATAMANIA AND ROCK CLIMBING FTW~
HAHA, anyway, here are some photos:
(me and dear colleen)
(TAFFY!<3)
(tama and lucas(:)
(BERTRAM!)
(JONATHAN!)
(beloved Algae and bang bang)
(RAHDABOM)
(Chan, HQ and Shao Kai)
(GLEN!)
(Chan and Nien Ting)
(Javier)
(COLLEEN AGAIN(:)So here's where the depressing part kicks in ):
Today was series 3 and I guess I pretty much hate myself and I wanna hide in a hole.
I couldn't even clear the first freaking height! WTH! ARGH!
And the worst thing is that I thought I was already mentally prepared that I may not be able to get into the team but then I just broke down and cried. Probably why I just ran away after my 3rd try. ARGH. I hate myself so badly. WTF.
It's such a bad day ): and you have to make it worst.
I mean seriously, I feel like you only talk to me when you're happy so I can entertain you.
When you're pissed you start blaming me and all...
somehow I think Glen is right about all the psychological effects and all.
and you knew. You knew I felt horrible and you jollywell went to make it worse. WTF?
you never cared did you? All you cared was whether she made it in.
Okay you know what I really wanna end all these stupid problems of mine.
It's my last year in secondary school and I don't wanna fuck it up. I'm already fucking screwed for pole vault but no way am I screwing up all the other stuff.
I'm really lucky I have Felicia<3 I love that bitch.
Went with her to scape after the competition. She makes my day feel so much better.
I mean, idk. I can't believe I hardly talk to her in the past. she so awesome.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150654857168048 (video of us being random^^)
HAHA anyway, gonna focus more on other parts of my life now.
Next week is week 10. (SO FAST!!!!)
and sadly, Friday is both my physics SPA and meet-the-parents(MTP). ARGHHHH, can my life get any worse? Okay this meant as a remark, not a challenge kay?=.=
~somehow this song kinda relates~
Labels: Emotions, Outings, polevault, Visuals
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Friday, February 24, 2012 @ 11:11 PM
I sort of really kinda think that I love that feeling
OMG TODAY AWESOMEE<3 went out with Felicia and 2 unidentified people(: HAHA! Don't think I should say who but oh wells. I swear it was so fun. Okay let's just call them person A and B. HAHA! So it was VCA coastal run today(: HAHA! I loved it! So fun haha! I almost ran THROUGHOUT(: but I think it was pretty fast for me considering the fact that my stamina sucks(: HAHA! And the last part running in to the gantry was so funneh(: coz there were like alot of people in front of me do I ended up sprinting past all the guys and girls teehee(: then we basically just slacked throughout after that^^ Oh and outing was at marina square haha! And due to me being horrible in directions, we spent quite some time lost haha! The while waiting for our turn to bowl, we went to play some game haha! It's sort of like each pair take photos of 10 things then exchange then the other pair gotta find it(: HAHA! Damn lame but trust me it was F U N ! So I paired with A and fel with B. then after the whole thing ended it was bowling. I WON 2 out of 3 GAMES!(; WHOOOO~ HAHA! Was so cool man!^^ we sorta took alot of photos too haha! Okay not as many as the 4O but still. HAHA! Then after that was dinner and I went for tuition(: DAMN FUNNNN(: I SO LOVED TODAY HAHAHAHAHA! Oh ad during dinner we played truth or dare haha! REAL FUN^^ shall not tell you guys what happened haha! Kay Kay, I've got trg tmr... TTYL!<3
Labels: Emotions, Outings, Visuals
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Wednesday, February 15, 2012 @ 11:10 PM
I cannot bear to hurt you
Oh gosh. I think I must be going mad. Jeryl! WTF are you doing with your life?? Seriously wtf?! Okay seriously Ive never thought so much bout how to reply that I feel like crying. Serious. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?! This is so not me! O lvl stress is seriously getting too much to me.
Labels: Emotions
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12:27 AM
So over it
"There are certain things in life that are better unknown. Things you wished you never asked, never saw, never heard or never even felt."
I don't know why but I suppose these few days I've been overwhelmed with emotion. I don't really know how to put it. Especially after what NG said to me just now.
I've heard lots of rumours recently. Some real, some fake. And I really hate it when someone spreads something that isn't true. But anyway, what NG asked me just now really got me thinking. I shan't say what NG asked if not it'll be too obvious. But anyway, I really don't know what I'm feeling actually. Am I over it? Or not? Was it all just in my head? What I thought I felt. Or was that all really what I felt with my heart? I really have no idea.
I guess life has been pretty harsh to me these days. A mountain high homework load and tests EVERY WEEK! Gosh. I have no idea how I'm to cope. And all these emotions and thought just had to come now. At this point of time. This year. Haixz... There's more than meets the eye.
OH DUANG'S COMING BACK FOR TRIP! haha!
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